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Top Banana
by Kath Middleton
This is the section were Steve goes to ask about a Saturday job and his mother insists on coming with him.
He only had to go in and ask for a little word then pop the questions, so to speak, and Fanny’s your aunt – Saturday job.
His mum seemed to believe he couldn’t do even that without messing up.
“Mum, what’s he going to think?”
“Why should he think anything of it?”
“Well, I know most kids don’t go to ask about Saturday work with their mums in tow. He’ll think I can’t do a bloody thing by myself.”
“You mind your mouth, our Steven, or I’ll mind it for you!” she snapped. “How’s he to know I’m not going there just to buy some vegetables?”
She wouldn’t be dissuaded so he had to walk in there to ask for a job with his mum skulking behind him, picking up cauliflowers and squeezing potatoes just inches behind his shoulder. He was just about to ask if Mr Telford had any need of assistance on a Saturday when his mum said, “Here, are these pineapples ripe? I’m pressing the end but it doesn’t go in?” Mr Telford helped her to put the pineapple back in the display, smiled and assured her it was perfectly ripe but that the demarcation line between perfectly ripe and unsaleably bruised was a mere hair’s thickness. Steve’s face was almost as red as his carroty hair.
She continued to fossick around in the root vegetables just behind him as he tried, by dint of body-language and eye-brow wiggling, to manoeuvre Mr Telford away from her. “I wonder if I could have a few words? Please?” he asked. ‘Bugger off home, Mother, would be favourite,’ passed disloyally through his mind.
“Certainly, lad. What can I do for you?”
“Erm… I don’t suppose you have a vacancy for a Saturday boy… do you…?” he tailed off. It was a yes/no question so there wasn’t much scope for small-talk. Steve continued to shuffle his feet, blush and curse his maternal parentage while Mr Telford regarded him long and closely, sucking his teeth and narrowing his eyes as he did so.
“I could give you a try-out this weekend, aye,” said the bearer of good news. “I’ll see if I’ve got a uniform to fit you in back o’t shop.” He went for a rummage. The ‘uniform’, Steve knew, was just a brown overall. It was a start, though.
“Oh! Wow! Oh, that’s excellent! Thank you so much!” shouted Steve through the rickety pine door to the shop’s inner sanctum.
“Cut it out,” whispered his mother behind her hand. “You sound disgustingly grateful.”
“I am disgustingly grateful,” he whispered back. Then, with added urgency, “And don’t think you’re coming with me on Saturday morning, either!”
“You unspeakable little wretch,” said his mother, sniffing and pursing her lips. “Who do you think you are?” He sighed. He sometimes wondered that; he really did.
Click here to buy Top Banana from Amazon
This is the section were Steve goes to ask about a Saturday job and his mother insists on coming with him.
He only had to go in and ask for a little word then pop the questions, so to speak, and Fanny’s your aunt – Saturday job.
His mum seemed to believe he couldn’t do even that without messing up.
“Mum, what’s he going to think?”
“Why should he think anything of it?”
“Well, I know most kids don’t go to ask about Saturday work with their mums in tow. He’ll think I can’t do a bloody thing by myself.”
“You mind your mouth, our Steven, or I’ll mind it for you!” she snapped. “How’s he to know I’m not going there just to buy some vegetables?”
She wouldn’t be dissuaded so he had to walk in there to ask for a job with his mum skulking behind him, picking up cauliflowers and squeezing potatoes just inches behind his shoulder. He was just about to ask if Mr Telford had any need of assistance on a Saturday when his mum said, “Here, are these pineapples ripe? I’m pressing the end but it doesn’t go in?” Mr Telford helped her to put the pineapple back in the display, smiled and assured her it was perfectly ripe but that the demarcation line between perfectly ripe and unsaleably bruised was a mere hair’s thickness. Steve’s face was almost as red as his carroty hair.
She continued to fossick around in the root vegetables just behind him as he tried, by dint of body-language and eye-brow wiggling, to manoeuvre Mr Telford away from her. “I wonder if I could have a few words? Please?” he asked. ‘Bugger off home, Mother, would be favourite,’ passed disloyally through his mind.
“Certainly, lad. What can I do for you?”
“Erm… I don’t suppose you have a vacancy for a Saturday boy… do you…?” he tailed off. It was a yes/no question so there wasn’t much scope for small-talk. Steve continued to shuffle his feet, blush and curse his maternal parentage while Mr Telford regarded him long and closely, sucking his teeth and narrowing his eyes as he did so.
“I could give you a try-out this weekend, aye,” said the bearer of good news. “I’ll see if I’ve got a uniform to fit you in back o’t shop.” He went for a rummage. The ‘uniform’, Steve knew, was just a brown overall. It was a start, though.
“Oh! Wow! Oh, that’s excellent! Thank you so much!” shouted Steve through the rickety pine door to the shop’s inner sanctum.
“Cut it out,” whispered his mother behind her hand. “You sound disgustingly grateful.”
“I am disgustingly grateful,” he whispered back. Then, with added urgency, “And don’t think you’re coming with me on Saturday morning, either!”
“You unspeakable little wretch,” said his mother, sniffing and pursing her lips. “Who do you think you are?” He sighed. He sometimes wondered that; he really did.
Click here to buy Top Banana from Amazon
About the Author:
Kath Middleton began her writing with drabbles (100 words stories) and contributed a number to Jonathan Hill’s second drabble collection. It wasn’t long before she moved up a size to contribute short stories to anthologies. Shortly afterwards, she progressed to writing longer pieces and her first solo work, Ravenfold, was published to much acclaim. This was followed by the novella, Message in a Bottle. Several more books are in the pipeline and her first novel, Top Banana, was published in March 2015. Kath likes to put her characters in difficult situations and watch them work their way out. She believes in the indomitable nature of the human spirit (and chickens).
Kath is retired. She graduated in geology and has a certificate in archaeology. When she's in a hole, she doesn't stop digging.
Kath Middleton began her writing with drabbles (100 words stories) and contributed a number to Jonathan Hill’s second drabble collection. It wasn’t long before she moved up a size to contribute short stories to anthologies. Shortly afterwards, she progressed to writing longer pieces and her first solo work, Ravenfold, was published to much acclaim. This was followed by the novella, Message in a Bottle. Several more books are in the pipeline and her first novel, Top Banana, was published in March 2015. Kath likes to put her characters in difficult situations and watch them work their way out. She believes in the indomitable nature of the human spirit (and chickens).
Kath is retired. She graduated in geology and has a certificate in archaeology. When she's in a hole, she doesn't stop digging.
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